30 October 2008

JOSH CAN BITCH ALL HE WANTS: Team QUON finds new love at 2008 Crit #1


In his extraordinary debut for the greatest ever criterium racing team, Team QUON, Br Randwick locked horns and found new love with none other than one other than the Green (and now a little bit of red) Goblin himself. In what was really a shocking display of bike handling skills (or complete lack thereof) the Green Goblin took a nasty tumble (it is racing, you know), blamed Br Randwick and then had a sooky la la meow meow at Team QUON's very own Br Tonii.


Team QUON thanks the Green Goblin for the feedback and looks forward to chewing the fat (and dirt) next week, although we doubt he'll be sending any friend requests to Team QUON any time soon.


Roof fixed yet Preston?


(images of Preston's Hoskingtown shanty with a fully functional 'non-leaky' roof. Courtesy of Special Detective Craft and Customs 4 star General , Peter Kitchen).
Satellite imaging from Australia's greatest surveillance team has provided these images which will not only make every B grade rider in Canberra and district very unhappy, the Quon boys very happy, and the Canberra ladies extremely happy! The highly trained team can also confirm that the banjo was in tune and the moonshine was smooth!
Whilst the details of the disagreement between past and present Quon masters has been hushed by the Quon Elders, with all email transcripts ordered to be forwarded to the recycling bin, the athlete who calls himself 'scottyrocks' took his bat and ball home, sulked, took his instructions off the Quon Master, and spent the time to 'fix his leaky roof'
Whilst an infamous south side physiotherapist cannot quite grasp the witty nature of the Quon masters analogy, the surveillance team to the Greatest Cycling team in the World has stated that it was dry and dusty in butt-fuck, the roof is fixed, and the bitumen at Quonlo may be tasting the salty taste of old man come Wednesday night.
Phone conversations this morning indicate that Jason may not receive a Christmas card off the Quon Order of Australia recipient this year, but Quonlo will definitely see and hear Preston next Wednesday night.
SAVE THE QUON SCOTTYROCKS!

28 October 2008

Who Is Velo???


Upon joining the group called QUON,
The stalker was really turned on.
Most ride the crits,
But they all love tits,
And Velo said, fuck off back to triathlon!

But we all know Velo is Gay!
They chase each others cocks all day,
And they dress like ginga's,
And they look like minga's,
And rip up the crits i just may!

The Training wheels have been given the flick.
If I Stack it, I'll look kike a dick.
I may still be a juvenile,
But the oldies are turning senile.
And i'm pretty sure Big Dog is trisomic!!

Randwick...

Please remember, tomorrow is the..............


27 October 2008

message from scottyrocks

Message to Jason ;


love scottyrocks!

Quon Stalker on the Prowl


The QUON Stalker hones in on her target.
Like a large savage striped cat-like creature, she stalks the weak QUON members first.
He is dizzy from the sun. He is resigned to his fate.

25 October 2008

Big Dog Defeats Quality Field to Take Thompson Memorial

Big Dog topped off the day nicely for TQ in the first Greatness of Simon Thompson Memorial MTB Challenge today at Stromlo Forest Park. He snatched victory when the pictured silver medallist stopped to finish all the pies 50m from the chequered flag. The bronze medallist did not get out of his car in the carpark such was his fear.

BD is shown being presented his medal and bouquet by Superintendent Sipowicz of CSI

51% shambles

A very average Shambles today; average in may respects.

Average Betty was disappointed!
Numbers were pretty average. The special guests was pretty average. Coffee - pretty average. Conversation was average in content and interest. The ride was average in length and the intensity was the same as all winter.

It might be a very lean season for the quon.

22 October 2008

Gold medal hair-do

Wayneo wins an Olympic Gold for his 'do'.
Congratulations from the Quon

21 October 2008

Radnell finds missing nut

Smooth and buff; with more than a fair share of ginga; Shanes missing nut was recovered and returned earlier this afternoon.
Mrs Radnell says thankyou to those who turned the nut into the authorities.
We all understand that Rads needs as much male testosterone as this little fella can muster!

20 October 2008

OLD MEN ROCK

Paul Smith - 1st Chick NSW Longcourse Championship
Mark Terracini - Age Group Australian Champion - Australian Sprint Championship
Adrian Craft - Winner of the Batemans Bay Body Surfing Annual Pro-Am
Dougie Stewart - Winner of some butt fu%# race in WA
Wayne Spratford - Finalist- ACT Best Backyard in Rivett - 2008
Scott Payne - Sold more shoes than head of population in the Belconnen Area.
Nathan Spillane - Tongue kissed both Glenda and Ken Baggs, and paid respect to the Forster GODs.
Martin Boyd - Achieved level 65 in playstation 2 - 'war killing psycho'

WHAT A GREAT WEEKEND FOR THE GOOD OL' BOYS

13 October 2008

Single Speed Blunder



CORC has just released the 'best crash' of the 2008 Scott 24 Hour race.

The winner is none other than the QUON's ORDER OF AUSTRALIA MEDAL holder, Scott William Preston.

Scott will proudly hold the 'best crash' award for one whole year after he spectacularly threw himself into the dirt whilst attempting to pass the QUON Master on the first lap of the 24 Hour race at Mt Stromlo on Saturday.

The QUON Master was quoted as saying "I was in no rush to finish the lap, I was meandering downhill, when a roar of screaming came up from behind me. When i realised it was SWP, I moved to the side and let him through. Just as he passed me, there was a cloud of dirt and more screaming as SWP went flying off the track in a fit of rage".

The QUON Master continued "I was scared and happy all in one big bag of mixed emotion" He continues "I think this may helped my cause for getting a ginga into supremacy next year also. They don't call me the puppet master for nothing"

Scott Preston was unavaialble for comment this morning. However, it is rumoured that legal proceedings may be taking place in the near future.

"Bring it" the QUON Master replied when the impending law suit was mentioned.

More details to follow.



08 October 2008

Style Tips # 4

Style tips # 4
Welcome to the fourth edition of Team Quon’s style tips.

I hope you enjoyed the last Style Edition that featured the article on the Pez Cycling website (http://www.pezcyclingnews.com/). Thank you to everyone for the great feedback.
Here is the second part:

Clipping out:

Hard to believe, but this one actually deserves its own paragraph. One of the easiest ways to determine the experience level of a cyclist is to see how early they clip out before coming to a stop. A novice rider will clip out as much as a block before a stop sign or red light. A real beginner will clip out a block before a green light, just on the off chance that it might turn red by the time they get to it.

To look cool, let the bike come to a full stop before clipping out. To look Eurocool, never clip out. Track stands are the only acceptable way to wait at a red light. And please, no basket-clips and no mountain bike shoes on the road bike! Wearing sneakers or mountain bike shoes on the road indicates that you intend to spend more time with your feet on the ground than in the pedals. You’re a cyclist, darn it, not a pedestrian!

The Shambles/HoT Ride Hero:

Although getting dropped on a hard Hot or Shambles ride isn’t cool, there are actually more ways to look un-cool on an easy bunch ride. The best way to look un-cool is by pushing the pace over 50 kph or by doing your intervals off the front of the ride. Easy Bunch rides are for recovery and socializing. You’re not going to impress anyone by ramping up the pace.
Unfortunately, messing up the pace is just as easy to do on the HoT ride and this is where things get really complicated. Sprinting at the wrong moment, setting the wrong pace up a climb or pushing the tempo at the wrong time can draw just as much scorn as pushing the pace on a recovery ride. Get to know the etiquette of a group ride by doing it at least two or three times before even thinking about getting to the front.

To look cool, show up to the Shambles ride skip the mocha coffee and raisin toast after the ride in favor of an espresso and a croissant. And please, never order any drink that has whip cream spilling out over the top of the cup. You didn’t ride hard enough to burn off 20 grams of fat and 600 calories.

Group Ride Etiquette:
Have you ever seen a pro team on a training ride? Side by side, shoulder to shoulder, quietly zipping along. Then, there is the Triathlete Group ride. You actually hear it before you see it. Slowing! Right Side! Stopping! Rolling! Hole! Then you see it. 25 riders spread out over an entire city block, three, sometimes four, wide. Weaving, swarming cars, running stop signs. Keep your group ride cool with the following four rules of thumb. 1) Never ride more than two abreast. 2) Never allow more than six inches distance between your front wheel to the rear wheel of the rider in front of you. 3) Maintain a distance, no more than 12 inches from your shoulder to the shoulder of the rider next to you. 4) It only takes one person to call things out. This should be the person at the front of the pack. Ideally, a little point of the hand is all it takes to indicate obstructions or turns. It shouldn’t take two dozen people yelling at the top of their lungs to make a ride run smoothly.

To look cool, keep the group tight, wheel to wheel and shoulder to shoulder. To look Euro-cool, only ride with other Quon cyclist wearing team kit. If this is not possible, make sure there are no more than three different kits in the pack and that there are at least three riders wearing each kit. And please, never swarm cars at stop lights or steer a large group of riders through a red light. It’s just not cool.