QM reaches out to Br Mouldy

Our greatest ever QUON Master has once again surprised his brethren by reaching out and offering assistance to those less fortunate. First is was the asylum seekers from India, and now it is our own kind (well, not really, red heads are not like you or I).

After receiving a hard time from his mates, and a series of no shows at GFD and the Shambles, QUONabee lunch and the Yarramundi reach toilet block last night - the QM has taken it into his own hands ( no, not like South Africa), and has modified his computer to instantly respond to the crisis.

So, Cameron, if you are sad; feeling lonely and looking for a friend just to talk to; just press HELP on your key pad. No one will respond. No one will really care. But it is the thought that counts right?

ATTENTION: Robbo and Jesse

The QUON Elders at their most recent Elders meeting have requested that two QUON Rookies; Robbo and Jesse ; step up or burn your kitWhilst burning of the QUON kit is considered equal to the burning of the national flag, the preferred option for all of the QUON is for them to adhere to the "8 Steps to True Happiness" and inspire the QUON.

Former QM, Br Lady's Bum has thrown full support behind the 2012 Olympic Gold Medal potential winner. And the Mayor of Deakin has promised to show Robbo the righteous path to acceptance amongst the brethren.

In a video link to Denmark (dickhead), Wombats, wearing full kit at the time of the meeting, showed what he thinks of the lack lustre performance shown by these two hopefuls over the last 12 months.

The Elders have decided that these two hopefuls have shown enough to warrant them a stay of execution. A 12 month awesome behaviour bond has been granted, and we all expect great things from these two!

3 QUONabees promoted to Rookie classification.

Patrick Thomas Chivers - QUONabee 1

Greggo Thomas Hoitink - QUONabee 2

Matthew Charles Shippa - QUONabee 4

Congratulations boys!

At last nights Elders meeting, you were all promoted to QUON Rookie status.

Over the next 12 months, each QUON Rookie and their sponsor must pass the criteria outlined in the '8 steps to true happiness' as published on the dribble.

Only after these processes have been fully qualified can full 'Brethren of the QUON' status be achieved. Good luck and stay strong.

Enjoy your GUJ, I'm off for a MTB!

Get to know your QUONabee

Just as a lighthouse sends its beam to protect passing ships, the recent lesson shared and learnt by a QUONabee should be a brutal wake up call to all of the QUON's brethren.A long time ago in a far away land, a lighthouse stood majestically on the shores of a great lake. Not only did this landmark indicate the danger of the immediate surrounds; but it also served as a prison which housed a pretty blonde dwarf, who was it's captive.

A handsome prince, who works in a nearby cloths shop, put on his best hipsters jeans / designer undie combo, and decided it was time to save the damsel whom he thought was held captive in this makeshift tower.

After many shots of tequila, the blonde dwarf was rescued, and the story should of ended there; happily ever after. BUT, the blonde dwarf was not the sweet princess as the galliant prince once thought. Behind closed doors, the once beautiful looking short girl became a potty mouthed, angry, naughty little girl. Full of pent up aggression, Queanbeyan slang, and a fetish for barbed wire, rubber paper-weights and flat metal paddles.

There was a fierce battle

For hours the battle continued. Our fearless prince took on the evil blonde dwarf with reckless abandon, and with no respect for his own well being, gave the blonde dwarf everything he had!

Unfortunately........it wasn't enough.

As our brave soldier lay in the foetal position, naked and bruised, the blonde dwarf raise her rubber paper-weight above her head and screamed loudly for all those in the kingdom to hear.

.....and they did.

All those in the kingdom are now fully aware that the warning that the lighthouse communicates is for all able seaman to heed, and not just for those rum drinking scallywags; somethng that we all should ponder.

How Wayne has changed!

Once a blood nut from the back streets of Queanbeyan, even before Jerra was a sister city, Wayne Spratford was as Queanbeyan as a boy could get.

His Dad owned a motor bike shop; he played footy for the junior raiders; smoked Winfield blue; and wore ugg boots and a flannel 12 months of the year. He rented a unit just off the main street, but didn't pay rent; he was lucky. Just after the double murder he struck up a deal with the landlord/ Jo's dad; "look after my daughter and don't let her mess up, and you can have the flat".

That was a long time ago. Wayne learnt how to read and write and ended up marrying that pretty little girl called Jo. He sold his ute, moved to Rivett, and bought him self a house. He has thrown away his Queanbeyan dress code, his Queanbeyan ways: in fact, he rarely steps back over the border. He now hires a baby sitter instead of the "packet of chips and a red lemonade rule" that still exists today.

The new QM has promised free beer and schnitty. Not for Wayno. He will be in Rivett, drinking Chi Tea and grazing on char grilled asparagus.

Preston says that Resches refreshes. Wayno says that local draught beer makes him pass wind.

Oh, how times have changed!

TQ socks go global in Espana

As worn by Team QUON's and the AIS' own Gareth "Garry" Halverson, the famous TQ socks have now travelled to the slopes of the Pyrenees  in Spain.

Garry was quoted in VeloNews as saying that without his special edition blue TQ socks there would be no way he could have danced on the pedals so effortlessly up the massive bergs in the spanish mountains.  

While competitors are trying to source the magic socks, without knowledge of the secret suburban garage in sleepy Weston Creek they will never get that advantage.

First Maui, then Boulder now the Pyrenees.  Where oh where will they be seen next?

A poem - QUONabee #3

Their ashen faces showed their grief oh so clear,

They’d come so close to winning the points total that year

What had gone wrong, for the almighty Quon?

A decision just had to be made.

 

As they sat there bemoaning the loss of the cup,

Johnson strode pass and said, ‘tough luck’.

‘if only you’d had me and my 40 grade points,

You’d have won and been happy, and sharing a joint’.

 

That’s it! They sighed

As they looked at each other,

That’s it! Next year,

we need Wombat’s big brother!

 

(to the sounds of angels singing)

 

With calves like iron and mighty strong thighs,

He rode with a killer’s cold look,

As he narrowed his eyes,

‘don’t worry boys, with me now in tow,

We’ll smash those fuckers, Suzuki Uno.

 

And then, oh yes friends, a mighty cheer went up,

They had to agree, even the one they call Smup,

‘he’ll ride for us now, of that we are certain,

We’ll take the title like we’re drawing a curtain

 

Across all riders, all teams and all grades,

We’ll walk it in, absolutely,

We’ll do it spades!

 

And so peace settled upon the group Quon,

And only one thing they had to decide upon.

 

Together and joyously in one collective throng,

Wondered aloud,

‘I bet he looks good in only a thong!’

 

TQ socks go global

With Team QUON socks being seen from the golf courses of Maui to the bowling alleys of Boulder and the streets of spain, it shouldn't be long before international orders start rushing in to www.terra_the_sock_king.com

Where oh where will they be seen next? Stay posted for a thousand more adventures from the phenomenon that is Team QUON socks

poem from QUONabee 1

Joining the QUON is my chance to shine
From what I have seen my flight will be fine
I’ve been dropped off the back
After some half assed attack

But made my way back first
We’ve to quench a big thirst
Three Bundy’s on the rocks
May slow down these cocks

I was not sure what was wrong or maybe it was just me
They all started drinking coffee and tea
I’d heard stories before of stubbies of beer
What’s going on are they all fucking queer

So now with a change I must turn my attention
QUONabee 2,3,4 and 5 are now worth a mention

The baker sent donut’s to buy him some time
For a no show at the shambles, he thought he’d be fine
I dropped in and picked them up with a grin and a glee
Gentlemen enjoy these donuts with complements of me.

At the decline of a donut with a snigger and frown
For it could make me quite fat and quite round
Saw him drop off the back at a blistering pace
OH the lack of that donut saw him disappear in disgrace.

With pants lower than what most people would do
And a gap of somewhere around the mark of 22
With this I have nothing I can’t understand
Maybe it helps him when he uses his hand.

Finally put in by his brother in law when no-one else would
From advice from the sister “you will and you should”
Do this favour for me with and smile and a dance
If you ever think you’re a chance of getting back into my pants.

So as you can see there’s not much to beat
I’m out of the kitchen away from the heat
A place in QUON history waits for me
A QUON elder and Master on day I will be.

I Don't Work In a Clothes Shop

Some may say I'm old fashioned. Some may call me Gen X. But as a QUON Elder, my sense of fashion is not admiring the skid marks on the Reg Grundys on some skinny boy's white pimply arse. Instead, in my world, fashion looks a lot more like this:

BollyQUON: A Duet Like No Other

QUONABEE #4 - Mick Jagger

Poem to be sung to the tune of ‘Angie’ by the Rolling Stones:


QUON, QUON, when will those doubts all disappear
QUON, QUON, where will you lead me from here

With some love in your souls and some money in your coats
I hope I can satisfy
But QUON, QUON, you’ll never doubt I didn’t try
QUON, you’re all beautiful, on Wednesday’s you’ll cry
QUON, I will love you, and I aint gonna lie
All I dream of is to be part of your team
Let me whisper in your ear:
QUON, QUON, QUONabee Mick Jagger is here!

Whilst I’m not the rock
I roll like a stone
No moss on my surface
I race with a purpose
Accept me in the team
You will think it’s a dream

Let me whisper in your ear:
QUON, QUON, QUONabee Mick Jagger is here!

Indians welcome, Rudd says...

With the SOO1 looming the Australian Prime Minister K.Rudd has come out today in support of the QUON Master elect. Mr Rudd has sought to assure India and the QMe that Australia is not a racist country despite Indian students being targeted in a recent spate of violent attacks while studying here.

Mr Rudd met with QMe at the 'Princess Castle' during the week and spoke of a conversation he had with the Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh. He told QMe,

''I said to Prime Minister Singh the more than 90,000 Indian students in Australia are welcome guests in our country ... and the more than 200,000 Australians of Indian descent are welcome members of the Australian family. I speak on behalf of all Australians when I say that we deplore and condemn these attacks. These are senseless acts of violence.''

QMe is said to be exstatic about K.Rudd's support of the Indian migration to Australia as it will allow him to save a considerable amount of money in Internet and Airfare fees.