RIP TQ

Unfortunately, this is the state in which Team QUON and the Blog (if we had one) stands. Current QM Zany Terra has done absolutely nothing lately, too afraid to upset or tread on any local cyclists toes and is too worried about keeping everyone happy. The Elders have spoken (behind his back of course) and an overthrowing may be nigh. Which QUONer will step up and save our great brethren?

God save the QUON, for nothing will save this current QM.

Team QUON - Looking to go large

Race Wheels

As you may know the @TeamQUON blog always tries to be informative and educational so that our followers depart from the blog, enlightened and well informed in all facets of, ah, um. life.

As such, it has come to our attention over recent months that a number of cyclists within the Canberra Cycling community have begun to train on their race wheels (Oxymoron intended).

We have spent QUONsiderable amount of time analyzing this trend and have come to a few QUONclusions. People are doing this as they believe it is;

Firstly the uneducated understanding that being an A Grade HHHHHHHHHHHhhhhiter entitles you to do so.
Secondly the incorrect assumption that you have them so you should use them.

These two misQUONceptions are just that, mythQUONceptions.

Athletes and hubbards alike should understand that riding race wheels whilst attending a training ride do not make you look cool and fast. It simply screams out;

"I NEED ALL THE HELP I CAN GET BECAUSE I CAN'T KEEP UP"

So next time you go for a "roll" with the race wheels on, whilst not racing, you probably need to invest in a pair of compression socks.

NB: Dodger you're exempt. High 5. Love rads

Beagle bewildered at news of coveted girlfriends absence in 2012

Team QUON sellout, Mitchell ‘Beagle’ Flynn, was visibly upset in Team Suzuki’s recent calendar shoot upon hearing news that his beloved girlfriend would be absent from the country in 2012 due to commitments with some dream team thing in Europe. When asked for a comment Mitchell responded with ‘M8, I’m full devo hey. I was all g’d up for a dece year on the road with the boys, hopn she will b hm wen I got back afta a dece training sesh behind the moto. But to find this out is killing me m8’.


After trying to make sense of the words and a careful reconstruction of the misplaced letters we believe he was attempting to communicate the following ‘Hi friend. I am really upset at this news. I was really excited for a fantastic year racing around the Country with my team mates. I felt safe with the knowledge that she would be home cooking and cleaning after I had completed a motor pacing session (which is where you ride really fast behind a motorbike). When I found out, a small part of me died inside.’


10 minutes after the photo shoot Mitchell had forgotten what had taken place and was back out behind the motobike. Happy again.

A hypothetical

So - you're gaining a reputation for stupid behaviour on the bike. Evidenced by: throwing yourselves on the ground in bunch rides; giving team mates yellow cards in bunch rides; having your team race a nationally televised race only for all the teams riders to be seen sunbaking off to the side after 5mins; driving your own lead out train in to the dirt.

Q: What do you do to recapture your image?

A: You put an A grader at the front of C grade at the local crit races.

Bravo! Well played sirs. Your reputation will continue to grow with behaviour like this.

What does this deviant have in store for us?

The 2011 Christmas Shambles organising committee has been real busy. Many a discussion has been had, many rubbish ideas thrown out, many goon sacks hung. What we can guarantee is one of the best Christmas Shambles since the early days of TQ. In eleven sleeps all will be revealed.

For the Beagle and Halvo

Remember, it's ok if it's in a 3 way

McAlpha

On behalf of Team QUON, we would like to wish our solo 'A' Grade hitter Ben McPowderPuff good luck this weekend as he flies the flag for TQ. We expect big things from the local 'C' grade Canberra Crit rider, which shows the unbelievable depth of the local criterium scene.

Big hitters edition of the HoT (TM)

Arguably one of Australia's toughest training rides, the HoT (TM) is set to ignite on Friday morning with the likes of Green Edge, Rabobank and Team Sky being in town for this week's special addition.

The big questions:

- Will Robbie McEwen attend to show his sprint prowess?

- Will Michael Matthews toy with the rest of the euro pro's as he did in last weekend's NSW Cycling Grand Prix

- Will Michael Rogers ride off the front and never be seen again?

- Will Green Edge even show?

All of these questions and more will be answered on Friday morning.

Attention all QUONers

Please refer to the Dribble as soon as possible to cast your votes to this QUONtroversial topic of discussion. Please be sure to do so by 5pm Friday the 25th of November when the votes will be tallied and the decision made as to where we will be post Shambles(TM) on Saturday.

A QUON Rookie's Experiment with Poetry

-an epic, unbelievable adventure in two parts (revised)-

A medley of prose
This is just the beginning
Wait 'til I warm up...

QUONlo is our home
As all around new growth blooms
We will DOMinate

We invented Crits
Invented the bicycle
Invented the wheel...

Yes we take the piss;
Hyperbolic reactions
Make us Laugh Out Loud

We ride with passion
And live our lives the same way
Unbelievable

We all love to ride
Racing gets the blood pumping
You know you're alive

When red mist decends
Remember the stakes involved
Let's keep it upright

Rubbin' is racin'
Get it sorted on the track
Then lets have a beer...


QUON Rookie am I
Haiku has been forbidden
Oops what have I done?

To mangle Bader
'Rules - Obedience of fools,
Guidance of wise men'

'Stick it to da man!'
Embodies the QUON spirit
Suck it up, Princess

-to be continued-

Major Sponsor hanging on by a thread

After what some have described it as a QUONtroversial week, Team QUON's Major Sponsor Raine&Horne Commercial Canberra is reassessing it's annual multi-million dollar sponsorship allocation spend with Canberra's (and arguably the worlds) greatest cycling team.

In an interview earlier today R&H's owner Franky M said that he was concerned about his clients and their thoughts about his affiliation with the QUON.

"Who would've thought that Team QUON drank beer? They had such a crystal clear reputation too. I'm so worried about my clients. I thought they were a group of bible lovers that had the occasional vino and camembert... Maybe next season I will look to sponsor the Vikings Cycling Club or other teams such as Ollo Industries? What about my clients?"

Unbelievable.

BTB, that was probably the worst rhyme ever...

Shooter: "Just stay out of my way, or you'll pay, LISTEN to what I say".

Happy: "Why don't I just go eat some hay. make things out of clay, lay by the bay? I just may. What do ya say?"

Loving all

Whether it is taking the piss or drinking the piss
team QUON is the one to Follow.
If it wasn't for Vello or ollo there wouldn't be any
Muppets to Follow.
Wensday is our day of Love so lets keep it fun.
Its not about what sort of race wheels you run or
place you come, or even the Hair gel you wear
as long as we play fair.
At the end of the day people might think the QUON is gay,
time to let Halvo out to play.
Quontraversal you may say,

Loves youse all have a nice day.

TEAM QUON unbelievable

Team QUON absolutely dominated the Team QUON Road Race World Championships ™ today. A brilliant cycling/cross-fit inspired format that Canberra Cycling Club officials would do well to copy.

The big hitters of Team QUON finished in the first 20 places. No other riders finished the final climb up L’Alpe de Rouge except for Team QUON riders.

No Team QUON riders chopped anyone off, or crashed or threw any water bottles. Some cheated, and some burgled, but what can you do.

Team QUON then ate and drank in a socially inclusive and friendly manner in Deakin you know, except for Trevor who was cranky. The coffees came quick. Relatively few beers were consumed.

The sponsor rode and was happy.

Team QUON once again saved Canberra Cycling.

Unbelievable.

It's a walk off

Hi it’s Uliander here and Wow!

What an amazing amount of QUONtravery.

There hasn’t been this much cat fighting and bitching since me and Wilansel had our famous hissey fit in Zoolander. After much discussion between me and my mirror this morning I think the only way to settle this dispute is a walk off. It’s obvious I’ll walk right over Wilansel but it’s the only way of getting him out of this mess. I have the most beautiful carbon fibre bike, beautifully pressed white knicks, a tanned complexion and round the clock 5 o’clock shadow.

Let’s make it tomorrow at noon at the usual place. You know right behind the toilet block at Yarramundi Reach. That way I’ll have time to visit my solarium and have my chest wax.

See you there or be square.

If we are such massive hubbards and nobody likes us....

Then why are you reading our Blog (if we had one)?

What have we become?

I never thought I'd see the day. Hopefully we will now see a resumption of TQ's normal piss taking, light hearted banter. We definitely do not want to make Baby J cry.

Team QUON would like to thank ollo for their interest in our blog. We love riding with you guys and thank you for pulling turns at the HoT.
 
Whilst many of us work hard at trying to improve our riding some of the blog readers may find it more productive to focus their efforts on   improving their sense of humor.
 
We would also like to add that the reference to the ollo logo looking like a dick and 2 balls is very funny but it wasn’t a QUONer that coined the tag.
 
Keep training hard everyone and if you want to read to blog make sure your sense of humor is in check.
 
Hook line and sinker.

36 Sleeps till the best day of the year

Christmas Shambles 2011 is looming and already has the makings of the best ever. The organising committee decided, the blueprint has been drawn, the date has been confirmed. Put Saturday 17th December in your diaries, iPhones or BlackBerrys. More details will be confirmed in the coming weeks.

Enough is enough...

The book is full gentlemen. Get off your fat arses, shave those legs, squeeze into your lycra, and get out to tomorrow's ShamblesTM. 7am Ghost Ride Shop as always.

The Shoe Salesman is Back

Al Bundy would be so proud. Strongest shoe salesman ever.

Hats off to the QM

You manned up, wore the shit kit and attacked like a mad man. Unbelievable.

Who does that?

Earlier today, Adrian Craft posted this status on his Facebook. As for the status itself most QUON will agree he was a magnificent boxer, and may he RIP. What we would like you to note, is that Br Big Dog was so proud of himself that he decided to like his own comment. Which begs the question: 'Who does that?' Good one Adraan.

QM just keeping an eye on Uncle Halvo

Photo: The last straw for Harry Halverson.

Although it appears nobody is game to look QM in the eyes, Uncle Halvo has bit the bullet and put his rep on the line. The coffee shop drama of 2011 has finally been spoken about like real men, face to face at the QUON Elders meeting last week. The outcome of this meeting (although confidential) will be announced shortly. Stay tuned gentlemen.

Well done to a possible QUONabee

A special mention must be given to a certain possible QUON Rookie who rode many snot bubbles out at last nights Crit. Liam, who is yet to be appropriately nicknamed, will be forever known as the ONLY cyclist in history to be promoted after coming dead last in a race.

After attacking/blowing/attacking/blowing etc on many occasions as per race directions, the CCC race handicapper made an executive decision to 'lift' Liam into B grade for the rest of the Crit series - even though he came dead last.

Well done Liam - that is a true QUON thing to do. Score no points in the grade you were supposed to burgle, and then get promoted. Unbelievable.

Learning to Count

For those having trouble with simple arithmetic, the QM will be holding simple counting classes for the rest of the year. If you aren't sure how many laps there are to go after you have completed the second last lap of your race, this maths class is just for you!

Team QUON Road Race World Championships

The time has been decided upon, and a new champion will be crowned Saturday November 19. RSVP to the Beagle via the Dribble to ensure you get a place in this world prestigious event. The crowds will be going wild, and the beers will be flowing. More details to come shortly.

Weigh in results

The final weigh-in was held at last Wednesdays crit and there was some mixed results.

Mouldy was confident of taking out max points after not eating for 3 days prior to the last weigh-in. However it was McDuff that stole the show with an 8.71% weight loss. Mouldy was a close 2nd with 7.82% loss and Rock in 3rd with 7.61% loss.

We only had 2 that put on weight with Smithy gaining 6.09% and Randwick 5.17%.

Dominator and Ambo didn't gain or lose even 1 gram.

I've also updated the QUON Master point score. Randwick and Halvo are equal leaders with Rock moving into 3rd place.

The next point scoring event is the QUON Road Race Championships.

QM

Fantasy becomes reality

A huge night for the QUON tonight!

Congratulations to everyone who raced; there was blue sex at QUONlo tonight.

We had 7 place getters, with the AMBO racking up a win and 16 points in D grade. Special mention must go to rookie BEN THE BUILDER, S&B and McFLY who all got some chunky points in the season opener.

We have 19 starters in the Fantasy tipping which kicked off tonight, and still recruiting for week 2. WALKS has hit the lead early with 34 points, followed by McFLY, SWP, The MAYOR and BEAGLE. Full details will be sent on the dribble on Thursday, and remember the trade window opens at noon on Saturday and closes at 5pm on Tuesday. 1 trade only permitted per week, and you cannot trade yourself out.

It's still the day of love, so give someone some lov'n tonight!

48hrs to go

WITH LESS THAN 48HRS TO GO THERE IS:

• NO RUUULLLLZZ
• NO TEAMS
• NO MCA

Sort it out QM or step aside and let a young bull sort it out.

*** Press Release: Team QUON Olympic Sprint World Championshsips

Beagle struggling

Team QUON Olympic Sprint World Championships
QUONlo Cycle Arena, Saturday October 21

The second running of this event featured easily the strongest field seen in a Canberra cycling event for many years. A cramped local calendar saw a clash with the Corin Classic cycling event, but no self-respecting QUONner should ever do a real race on the weekend anyway.

The visionary format was designed for the sort of spectacular racing not usually seen at QUONlo (the CCC would be well served to copy and implement it themselves). It is based on teams of 4 made up of an A grader, B grader, C grader, and a D grader (or Paddy). With teams racing off pursuit style in an Olympic Sprint format.

The racing as expected was amazing, giving the other stunned track users a close-up lesson in Euro-lactic style racing. On such days of pure sporting elegance and power it is easy to see why the track was named after Team QUON.

After a qualifying round and 2 semi-finals, the first place race off was between Uncle Halvo's barbie dolls (Halvo/Spud/Robobo/Cuddles) and the Lactic snot bubbles Uber/QM/GTE/Gary Codkin). With Halvo making short work of it and leading his babes to the quickest time of the night (6:37), destroying a team badly hand-picked by the QM himself.

The last place race off saw Mongo tort me everything i no (Liam/Stomps/LBF/Walks) forced to skull beers due to a crushing loss at the shaved legs of Mitchi luvs Myfie (Beagle/Mouldy/Rads/Paddy) a team badly hampered by a below par Beagle.

The other 2 teams were so lacklustre they deserve no mention.

Best and fairest: Cuddles as the only member of the winning team not on a free Trek bike.

Worst effort: LBF for beer drinking performance issues.

No shows: Scotty Rocks and Tandoori (no wonder there is an Elder’s re-evaluation process currently going on).

Paddy prays to the lactate gods

"Randwick: What were you thinking?"

Ladies and Gentlemen

Desire, Dream & Vision

SKIN & BONES IS BACK

The QUON's Dark Horse in 2011

A New Breed of QUON Master has emerged.

The Spring Carnival is here and whilst 2011 is seen a season of Redemption for Team QUON,

its leader was seen on Caulfield Cup day riding a different type of horse amongst the fillies.

In a year already defined and marked by QUONtroversy, its leader is coming back into form and is being groomed as the Dark Horse of the QUON in 2011.

Dark Horse:

n. a person with known potential

Horseplay:

n. rough and boisterous

Horsepower:

n. a unit measurement of power or rate of doing work, in imperial system defined as 550 foot pounds per second (Equal to 745.7 watts)

Canberra Bilby's - My First Ironman (By Jason Pye)

Article taken from Thursday 4 May, 1978

Today was my first ironman. My first marathon, my first 3.8km swim in a bunch of 1,600 people and my first 180km ride with no drafting and no mates to talk too (well sort of). To say I was scared was an understatement.

The day started off really well though, no sign of rain or too much wind (which we had during the week). Battled to get my sustain and muffins down for breakfast as the nervous energy was really building.I was staying with two other friends who were old hats and Ironman, but they weren't saying much when we first woke, so it made me even more nervous. We got down to transition nice and early so I could pump the tyres up and try to calm the nerves. It seemed to work.

I know you all are dying to read some more - http://bilbys.org/joomla/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=71&Itemid=60

QM vows to rid of all riders sitting in

QM Zany Terracini today issued a warning (between snot bubbles) to exterminate all riders sitting on at the world renowned HoT.

In glorious form this morning, whilst riding the new route, the QM could be heard loud and clear screaming at all scum sitting on. Team QUON does not condone sitting on. It is soft, boring, and gay. If you want to sit on, go ride the Velo bunch.

If any riders are caught sitting on "waiting for the hills" at next week's HoT, TQ will publicly name and shame the individual on the blog (if we had one).

Red Hills anyone?

A few cheeky red hills were on the program, but a certain former QUONer went myffing in action. #moist

A friendly reminder to all TQ

Earlier this year, current QM Zany Terracini announced he would continue as the unchallenged QUON Master for the 2011-12 season. On this night something special happened. A new, better, more innovative 7 point plan was unveiled and this had the QUON in awe.

A part of this plan was a weight loss challenge. On the night it was sprung upon TQ (after copious amounts of pizza and beer) that the scales were to be donned and each QUONer weighed. The results were shocking.

The time has come for the second round of weigh in results. The first crit of the season dawns, October 26, 2011. There have been a lot of QUONers in some really, really good paddocks over the winter months, and our QM would just like to announce a friendly reminder that there will be scales at the first official crit. You have been warned gentlemen.

STOPPING AT CRASHES

Would it kill you to stop and check on downed riders? We were not in the hunt for first or anything.

Get well Soon Marty and the other guy.

Everyone's a winner in our eyes

And to the blog administrator/fun police, delete this one - I dare you!

The Fun Police

NO FUN ALLOWED. Anything that resembles fun will be deleted and removed.

If you want fun please go somewhere else because Team QUON has officially been castrated.

Im going to ride with Suzuki. They have fun......

WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP!

Sparks were flying at the Wednesday World Champs

Who would have thought so many Sparks would fly in a Wednesday World Championship bunch ride, I mean race. Many QUONers are claiming there was quite a heated argument between two individuals, something about who was going to claim 15th place in the kick...

So many questions: Wil there be a rematch next week? Wil there be more Sparks? Wil they ever use training wheels? Wil they start up the lawnmowers? Wil either of them get a top 10?

40% Off all Summer Wigs Sale

All of our wigs have been marked down to rock bottom prices! SALE SALE SALE! Get in quick before they all run out. Black wigs, blonde wigs, ginga wigs, grey wigs. Even our pube beards are half price. Whatever you need we have it at 'Smuppys Discount Wigs Sale'.

WHEN UNCLE GARETH'S WILD OATS DON'T TASTE SO GOOD, TEAM QUON RECOMMENDS LISTERINE, FOR THAT LONG LASTING STOMPING FRESHNESS

Good one Rads!

You must have found turning 40 hard hey Mayor?

A Champion Defeated

Team QUON were saddened today by the news that their legendary triathlete Mark "Zany" Terracini was defeated in a recent 10km distance running race. It appears that co-leader of Team QUON's oldest nemesis, Team Velo Canberra's Michael Tolhurst, has defeated the once invincible Terracini brother.

"The QUON Master was simply too heavy throughout the race. He carried a drink bottle the whole 10km, whereas I was much lighter throwing mine early in the race." Toolhurst said in an interview shortly after his time of 40:23.

Another notable mention was past QUON legend Scotty "House Of" Payne, who was defeated by all of a mere one second.

Calling Nathan Spillane

Big Undies to Fill

Two out of three of last years QUONabees (Gonzo was up there too I'm sure...) made the podium at last seasons Rod Tidwell Awards night. No pressure boys, but they are some big undies to fill.

Hi Boys, Are we still good for Friday night?

Target Acquired

After much Googling and internet searching Team QUON have located their cheer squad for the 2011/12 season. This could be dangerous, just in time for Friday night...

Mediocrity strategy

Team QUON is pleased to announce that it has proudly been supporting mediocrity since 2010. In line with it's Triathlon back ground (mediocrity in 3 sports is better than excellence in any) Team QUON is pleased to release the following highly classified information.

After the widly applauded mediocrity strategy of Old Bulls Vs Young Bulls in 2010! The latest strategy involves all participates getting 1 point to encourage participation in QUON events and holdy handy feel-goodyness throughout the team. This will ensure there is no definite leader at the end of the season, and that everyone will be applauded for being mediocre.

But thomo can have a bonus point for being thomo. Hi 5!!

GOOD LUCK

Team QUON would like to sincerely express its dissapointment to the QUON Stalker for the person/s responsible for this post.

It is way out of line and character for the QUON, and has obviously been posted without consideration.

It most definately does not reflect the views and core values of the QUON and what it stands for.

Please accept our apology.

QUONomination

The clock is ticking gentlemen, only seven more sleeps.

For two potential QUONabees, Cuddles and Archie "The Pro", it will possibly be the biggest and most nerve-racking night of their life. I hope you have both been studying hard on your QUON folk law, and have been saving your pennies for those bribes.

We all look forward to the free pizza and beers next Friday at the Peachez'n'Cream head office.

For those requiring a little help...